February: A Beautiful Month

February is such a beautiful month, we get to highlight Black excellence and heritage and celebrate love all around. I live in New England so the temperature is quite frosty and very nippy, both in the weather and also poking out of my shirt! So cold but that is winter and it’s invigorating!  I am so excited about all the gorgeousness around us.  I just personally love to celebrate. I will never turn down a reason to say “happy __” because why wouldn’t we want to give this life a party? Life can be so difficult and demanding and poopy but when a holiday is coming up that anticipation /hits/. I’m someone who just loves a placebo. You tell me something will work, it will work because I believe that if I just force myself to think things will be ok, they will be. I am the female Chris Trager from Parks and Rec with bangs and round glasses.  If I don’t let the sad in and only focus on being a cute, productive, hit-the-ground-running babe then I can do anything.

However, this first part was written maybe a week before the following part.

BUT! Here’s a sexi little 180 tho:

If I’m being honest, I’ve been walking on the gloomier part of the sidewalk and it has prevented me from creating. I can’t stop crying, puking, and pooping, (stay tuned for a future post where I talk about normalizing and representing pooping + puking due to mental/physical/emotional health in our media) and just having full-on manic breakdowns. I’m all for female rage but I’m tired and I don’t think anger suits me as it does on women who see red in all its glory. I’m just trying to push myself out of this funk and that’s why celebrating love this month is all I want to do. I’m sending letters and cards to my loved ones and telling them how much I cherish them. Cuddling my cat, Moose is the highlight of any second where she isn’t turning into cooked spaghetti to slide out of my arms. I’m even journaling more and reflecting on my thoughts and feelings which is important for me to self-love and be self-aware. This is also a terrific time to celebrate Black creators and give them the flowers they deserve. Also, let’s start giving people physical flowers again. It is such a lovely, lovely gesture.

I hope you’re all able to find joy in the little things during this little month. It is full of beauty and celebration and I urge you to find something special. Don’t forget to give some love to others but also just as importantly to yourself. Spread cherishment like it’s butter on a cute little scone. Happy Black History Month + Valentine’s Day. MWAH!

An Ode to Derry Girls

To Tamar and Raven

I truly believe that good tv shapes you. There have been a PLETHORA of characters, scenes, and proclamations of love that have contributed to the sappy gremlin girl who writes before you here today. However, no show has had such a visceral impact on me like BBC’s Derry Girls. The show’s finale recently aired and I am quite literally as heartbroken as if I have lost my most dearest friends. Mostly because I was not prepared for the end but I guess that is the great metaphor of life. Dramatics, dramatics, I know, I know! But you, the reader, must understand this was not only just a show but a portal to friendship, The Cranberries, and the small and special town of Derry, Ireland. 

Derry Girls came into my life during a time when I was taking my first comedy writing classes. I was really nervous to do comedy in college because I knew I was my-hometown-New-Bedford funny but was I Boston-art-school funny? Were my ideas as fun and creative as the ones of my peers? How would my writing compare? My imposter syndrome crept through as I went to school with kids in a completely different tax bracket and private education to match. But through that, I was inspired by a show with strong female characters who come from blue-collar backgrounds and are just as batshit as I am. They made so many bad decisions and were just living their lives as truly to themselves as they could. The close friendship as much as the vulgarity that teenage girls can possess felt important to portray on television. Plus they were Irish! I’m not personally Irish but I do love a good accent and have a hatred for “Great” Britain. 

In my first comedy writing class, I met two writers such as myself with a love for Derry Girls that kicked our friendship off. After that, we became a trio that could rely on each other for feedback, bouncing off ideas, and punching up jokes. I never had someone I could trust so much with my work, my unformed thoughts, and my anxious feelings about my craft not being strong enough. I was inspired by them to push the fold, to be my whole self in my scripts, but most importantly (and sometimes the most difficult) to face the blank page and just write as authentically as I could. I wrote the first spec script I was proud of for Derry Girls. I learned so much about writing by studying Lisa McGee’s genius. By watching how the show created stories and characters that stay with you. I saw friendship in Erin, Michelle, Orla, Claire, and James but also who I could be as a creator and what I wanted to put out into the world. 

Tamar, Raven, and I have since graduated undergrad and have gone off to explore different paths of where the universe is bringing us. To be honest, I haven’t been able to write and finish something since graduating in the Summer but as the final credits roll of the Derry Girl’s season finale, I want to come back. I am coming back. Back to the worlds I can create and share with writing. I think of Raven and Tamar, our close-knit friendship. The one I cherish with my whole heart. I think about Uncle Colm and his long, /long/ stories, Sister Michael with her no-nonsense for dumb shit energy but love for a good statue, Granda Joe, Mary, Sarah, and Gerry always Gerry. They feel like my family and I am so fortunate to have met them (tv viewing-wise, I mean wish I could meet Ian McElhinney because he is my hero as both Sir Barristan in GOT and a grumpy grandfather.)

I also owe my newfound love of The Cranberries to Derry Girls. Their songs,  Dolores’ voice, her impact on the world created such a spark. That’s what Derry Girls is, that is what friendship is. To me, it is the most valuable thing of all to find your people and to help keep yourselves going together. Listening to The Cranberries as their music played on Derry Girls, it made me feel like new days had possibilities to hope, and to hope came action to make change. And here I am. Doing the best that I can. It’s scary to feel like you’ve lost your way (especially when you’re in severe college debt and living paycheck to paycheck and opportunities seem slimmer and slimmer day by day) Things don’t just happen overnight and that’s ok, I know that now. I just have to keep putting myself out there. All of myself but I know I am not alone. I am Derry Girl in my heart.

To past, current, and future Diana, to all my present-day creators, just keep doing it—whatever it is— even if you take a super long break. Don’t be embarrassed or afraid if it’s been a long time. Things take time. Lots and lots of time. You will find yourself. In friends and in good television, you will come home to the place you belong. 

Thank you so much Derry Girls.